Episode 1: Naiveté

Transcript:

Hey, kids. Captain Bummer here. You know, when I was a kid, I had no idea how hard being a grown up was. You have to make lots of money to pay bills [pout], people you love abandon you for no good reason [pout], or die [pout], and there's no Santa Claus [pout], and the list goes on and on and on. Being a grown-up is so gosh-darn giggly-wiggly hard that I can only give you an itsy bitsy teenie weenie idea of what it's like. But one day, when you grow up, *if* you grow up [pout], you'll understand, and then you'll say, "thank you, Captain Bummer, for your fight against NAIVETÉ. And that's our magic word of the day: NAIVETÉ. Actually, there's no such thing as magic [pout], just NAIVETÉ. Tay it with me, NA-IV-E-TÉ. See that cute little É at the end? It's actually called e-acute! But I digress. NAIVETÉ is not knowing about the many terrible things that might happen to you, whether you know it or not [pout]! And I've written a song about it, just for you.
 
The children laugh at all the rain
The children sing their song without a band to play
The winds of innocence are dancing and blowing in their hair
Woah children beware
 
Well hang on children to the life that you've got there
Somebody's gonna tell you how to live your life
Some people just aren't fair
So hang on children to the life that you've got there
Nobody's gonna help you
Most people just don't care
 
The children dance around the grave
Standing on a tombstone, life is just a game
Demons are waiting, watching, hiding in the dark
Woah children hang on
 
Well hang on children to the life that you've got there
Somebody's gonna tell you how to live your life
Some people just aren't fair
So hang on children to the life that you've got there
Nobody's gonna help you
Most people just don't care
Somebody's gonna hurt you
There's a big, bad wolf out there
 
So you see, kids? The sooner you know about all the bad stuff that's probably going to happen to you, the sooner you can start worrying about it, just like me, just like Captain Bummer. Well, that's all the time we have for today--I've got to go work that job to pay all those bills, just like you'll have to one day [pout], though you may not be able to get a job [pout]. Let's say good-bye with our good-bye song, but don't actually sing with me, because it might give your mommy a headache [pout]. Just mouth the words, like this [mouth words].
 
Now it's time for me and you to go
Chances are that one of us won't reshow
We'd be apart for good
Goodbyes can be forever
Goodbyes can be for good
For good, for good, for good goodbye!