Episode 3: Senseless?

Transcript:

Hey, kids! Captain Bummer here. Ya know, when I was a kid, I wanted pets--lots and lots of pets. And I had lots of pets, just never more than one at a time. First, there was Picasso the dog. He bit some people and had to get put to "sleep". The thing is, when a pet is put to "sleep", it really means that they are killed dead [vexed]. Adults are trying to fool you kids by saying "sleep" instead of "death", but Captain Bummer wasn't fooled- instead, I was afraid to go to sleep! Next came a cat named Mistletoe. She liked to explore the great outdoors, but the great outdoors is full of animals that eat other animals, so poor Mistletoe became dinner for some coyote. Then there was Goldie the fish--she seemed so hungry that I put lots of food in her water but she ate so much that she died! Another cat named Sam--hit by a car. Coral the gerbil--some weird cancer. Adan the cat--anemia caused by feline leukemia. A dog named Daisy--old age. Seymour the snake, Robert the rabbit...the former choked on the latter. Norman, Darla, Michael, Sally, and Monty--all gone [pout]. It turns out that most pets, even healthy and safe ones, don't live nearly as long as people. And for the relatively short time they are alive, they are a lot of hard work! You have to stay home to take care of them every single day [pout], you have to clean up their poop and pee [pout], you have to bath and brush them which they hate so much they may scratch you and draw blood [pout], and you have to pay lots of money to animal doctors to keep them free of viruses, bugs and worms [pout]. If taking care of pets is so gosh darn giggly wiggly hard and painful, then why do so many people keep doing it? It seems senseless! Well, it also turns out that one precious moment laughing, playing, or cuddling with a pet can be worth tens or even hundreds of those hard and painful things. That's just Bummer Math. I mean, why put up with so many bummers unless you get something in return, right?
 
And with that, I'd like to introduce you to a new friend of mine. This is Cadette. Like those pets before her, Cadette died; but unlike those pets, Cadette came back to life. In the few minutes she was dead, however, Cadette lost her ability to see, as well as some of her ability to hear [move and snap fingers to prove]. But Cadette isn't senseless. She can still feel, taste, and, most importantly, smell. Smell is the number one sense for a dog, much bigger than sight, so it's a happy thing that Cadette appears to smell just fine. And because she's so special, Cadette is going to help Captain Bummer fight naiveté [put cape on]. Cadette, welcome to Team Bummer!
 
There must be something I can say
There must be something that will make the pain go away
Just tell me where it hurts
And I will find the words
Then I will say that I love you
 
Precious moments that only two can share
Cannot be shattered like a dream
You may ask yourself why I should care
It must be something that is drifting through the air
 
There must be something I can find
There must be something that will ease your mind
Just open up your eyes
And try to visualize
What it means when I say I love you
 
So you see kids, owning a pet is a super de duper idea! It's a super de duper way to learn how hard and expensive it is to take care of a living being. It's a super de duper way to learn about illness, disease, and even handicaps. And most of all, it's a super de double duper way to learn about aging and dying. Well, that's all the time we have left for today. I need to change the litter box, which where cats go poop and pee. Interestly, litter is also the word for a cat's babies. How are adults trying to trick you kids with this one? That's a mystery even to Captain Bummer.
 
Now it's time for me and you to go
Chances are that one of us won't reshow
We'd be apart for good
Goodbyes can be forever
Goodbyes can be for good
For good, for good, for good goodbye!
 
No animals were harmed, and one was saved, during the production of this episode. (In fact, some of Candy's eyesight has returned since we adopted her.)
 
To learn more:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/kids/pets.htm
http://www.doindogs.com/senses.shtml
http://www.pawstoadopt.com/blindanddeafdogs/index.html